Your hands are are soft as they trip along my side. Yet I can feel the slight roughness of your palm as it slides down my thigh. Your warm solid chest is pressed to my back and I can feel your breath as it flutters through my hair. My head rests on your shoulder as we lay on the cloud of your bed, completely surrounded by pillows and down comforters. I can feel your heart beat against my spine. My eyes are closed. My breath quickens as you move your knee between my thighs, opening me for you questing fingers. Lightly they dance across my moistening inner thighs. As you shift away, my back is chilled and gooseflesh rises all over me. The tightening of my skin enhances the sensations of you. Without opening my eyes I can see your face. Your honest eyes and sun tipped hair, the cocky slant of your smile. The pressure of your hand rolls me to my back. I can feel you face so close to mine. I smile because I know you will kiss me. Your breath is hot on my lips, your hand is heavy on my breast. I open my eyes to watch you smile.....
And I find my self alone. Staring at the ceiling. My brain works at understanding why I am alone. Then, as the tumblers of a lock fall into place, the facts of my mind line up. You have never been here, I have never been there. I have never felt your lips touch mine. I have never been held by you like that. Because you chose her. You compared us, categorized us, and analyzed us. And though she broke your heart once before and played you till you were spent, you chose her. You smiled and patted me on the head and sent to my place. My place behind you as your friend.
In the beginning you made me feel special. In the beginning you warned me. But I held onto HOPE. And then she came back. She promised you everything I already had to give. She swore it would be better. And you, like a moth to the flame, gave yourself to her. I was left to float on my HOPE, which was quickly deflating. Now you smile at her like she is your world as she wounds you in a hundred thousand places. Now you smile at me like I am just one of the guys as I put band aids on the wounds you can not reach.
She loves you enough to waste your life, enough to wreck you, enough to keep you. I love you enough to save you, enough to pieces you together, enough to be your friend. Now I dream you of and wake alone, still clutching to my dwindling hope.
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